Keith had paced around the same loop in the castle’s hallways for 40 minutes, now. He was trying to tire himself out. His preferred method would be the training room, but Voltron had seen some major battling that day, so he wasn’t feeling at his peak. He didn’t want to log into the training system and get knocked back a few levels because he was overtired.
But if he was overtired, why couldn’t he sleep?
He jerked to the wall and punched it. He panted down at the ground. His chest was still reliving the feelings that had been placed there by the damn Viewer. It would replay the swoops and bubbles and butterflies whenever it got the chance.
Turning his back to the wall, he leaned heavily against it, trying to calm his racing heart.
In the Viewer, he’d had a family. Don’t get him wrong; he loves his team. Voltron was one of the best things that could have happened to a desert-dwelling, dropout loner like himself. It gave him friends; it was a family.
But it wasn’t his family.
No, his family would be like what he saw in the Viewer. And, of course, it had to be Lance. Keith squeezed his eyes shut. Why Lance?
Because you like him. Some piece of Keith’s brain insisted on that, and it was super unhelpful.
Keith froze at the sound of footsteps. He pressed himself up against the wall and hoped that between his dark clothes and his dark hair that he melted into the shadows.
The footsteps weren’t Shiro’s. It wasn’t like the last time Keith had been running around late and Shiro had come and berated him on proper sleep schedules. No, those footsteps were definitely Lance’s.
And, no, he didn’t just know Lance’s footsteps. He knew everyone’s footsteps. He knew Hunk’s confident but surprisingly soft steps. He knew Pidge’s slightly off-beat yet determined pattering. He knew Coran’s military pace and Allura’s prim and proper, if slightly less graceful, royal gait.
But, Keith had to admit that Lance’s was his favorite. Everyone else seemed to have everything figured out; they were confident and self-assured. Lance wasn’t.
Lance’s footsteps mirrored that. He walked softly, with a lagging pace, like he was waiting for someone else to lead. Although, Keith was fairly sure that Lance could and would lead if he needed to, if they all asked him to.
Keith was almost lost in thought when Lance passed by. Lance was looking at the ground just ahead of his feet. He was dressed for bed, which as of late meant no shirt – don’t ask how Keith knew that; he was just very observant – so with his head bent, he was stretching all of his back muscles in perfect ways.
Clapping a hand over his mouth, Keith tried not to blush, but he already was. He was compromised. He’d been subject to so many emotions in that sacred circle that he was having trouble turning them off. He was usually somewhat proficient at ignoring emotions, but now he was failing miserable.
Lance didn’t even notice him. He just kept walking toward the observation deck, wringing his hands in front of him as he went.
Keith found himself following, easily. He tip-toed along after Lance until they were both standing on the observation deck. The huge windows revealed the stars and Keith tried not to think of the danger that was out there. There was an enemy in every direction, a battle waiting to bloom, to be won. At some point, they wouldn’t be good enough to win it.
“Isn’t it beautiful?”
Startled, Keith jumped and turned to Lance. He wasn’t looking toward him, still looking out the window. For a moment, Keith wondered if he’d imagined it. But Lance began to move toward him.
“It’s hard to believe that there’s so much life out there. Think about how many other people are living lives just as insignificant as ours.” Lance tore his gaze away from space to focus on Keith. He offered no smile; he simply offered a tired gaze.
Keith scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest and looking away from Lance’s stunning gaze. “We’re paladins of Voltron. Our lives are hardly insignificant.” He could feel the weight of the universe on his shoulders. Voltron was literally the only thing between Zarkon and his total domination of the universe. A hand came to Keith’s shoulder, stopping his line of thought.
Lance tilted his head a little. “Yeah, Voltron is significant, but not us.” His fingers squeezed into Keith’s shoulder, tighter, like he was trying to convey something more without actually saying it. “But not us,” he repeated before letting go.
Keith grit his teeth. He was really trying to listen in and pick up on whatever other meaning that Lance was trying to send him. His mind was replaying everything over and over, but he wasn’t understanding. “Lance,” his voice was lighter than he expected, “I get that you’re trying to tell me something, but I’m not getting it.” Lance was also one of the only people that Keith felt comfortable showing his absolute social inability to. Lance, for all he teased, often tried to alleviate the social pressure on Keith by taking more of the conversation or situation onto himself. It was nice.
Letting out a big breath, Lance shook his head a little. “It’s okay, Keith. It’s nothing.” He smiled sheepishly and darted his eyes away from Keith’s. “It wasn’t that important anyway.”
“But it was important. Tell me.” Keith wanted to know. He wanted to know what he was missing. This all felt so big and imposing after the events of the day. It was like this was an essential moment in their lives. He didn’t want to be the reason it got messed up. He deflated when Lance stayed silent, when he brought a hand to the back of his neck and still avoided looking at Keith. Keith glared at the ground. He gritted out, “Tell me what you saw in the Viewer.”
“What?” Lance visibly jumped back and flailed his arms around. “Why do I have to do that? You obviously saw the scene. Are you really going to-”
Keith caught his shoulders and held them steady. “Just, tell me what you saw, in your own words. I mean, I saw the images, but I didn’t know what people were saying.” He was blushing again.
They stood awkwardly in silence, Keith still holding tight onto Lance’s shoulders; that connection providing a grounding for both of them in the moment.
Swiping off Keith’s hands, Lance swallowed and puffed up his chest. “We were all on earth. I saw my family.”
“And…” Keith prodded.
Lance shrugged. “And Hunk and Mama were cooking. Shiro and Pidge were playing horseshoes with my sisters. Allura was running around with some of the toddlers.” He brought a hand to his chin. “Human toddlers must be a lot like Altean toddlers because she seemed to really enjoy herself. I didn’t see Coran, but I can imagine my little cousins were asking him a billion questions about his moustache.” The hand on Lance’s chin flipped up to his upper lip where he comically imitated a mustache with his finger and donning a matching smirk.
At the mirth in Lance’s eyes, Keith found himself smiling a little and the gravity of the situation shifted from unbearable to tolerable. “You have a big family.”
“I do.” Lance nodded. His eyes got dark and his expression turned serious. “You could have that family if… if you want. Someday, I mean.” His fingers fiddled with his sleep pants, obviously nervous.
Keith caught that one. Lance hadn’t said ‘that kind of family’; no, he’d said ‘that family’. He was offering Keith his family. Keith’s chest burst into a swarm of bees and it felt like they were trying to suffocate him.
It must have been the expression on Keith’s face, because, suddenly, Lance was all over him, touching him, looking over him with a slightly horrified expression, and shaking his shoulders frantically. “Keith, Keith! Buddy, are you okay?”
Coughing a little, Keith held up a hand to appease Lance’s worry. “I’m good. I just…” He thought about what to say. “I think I’d,” he looked up at Lance, trying to convey the same sort of emotions that Lance was always transmitting via his eyes, “I’d like to be a part of that.”
Lance froze.
Did he do it wrong? Did he accidentally send the wrong emotions? Was that not the sort of thing he was supposed to say? Did he read the situation wrong? Did he break Lance?
Lance wasn’t moving. He was staring at him with a blank, obviously-shocked expression. His eyes were wide enough to see white around the entirety of the sparkly blue iris.
Flicking his eyes away and swallowing harshly, Keith thumbed over his shoulder toward the main hallway. “I guess I’m gonna go to bed. Good night, Lance.” Quick getaway was the only option left. Keith spun on his heel.
“Wait.” Lance grabbed his wrist and spun him the other 90 degrees so that he simply spun in place.
Now off balance, Keith fell forward and had to grab onto Lance not to fall.
Their faces were extremely close. Their noses were practically touching. All Keith had to do was-
Lance kissed him.
Their noses bumped and Keith’s lips were drier than strictly necessary, but it was nice. There was no going back now. And, Keith wasn’t that upset by the idea. He grappled with his hands, moving them to Lance’s neck and chest.
One of Lance’s hands tangled into Keith’s hair and the other grabbed at the back of his thigh just below his butt to help hold him up. Keith was equally grateful and flustered.
When Lance pulled away, he didn’t go very far. He was breathing heavy, almost directly in Keith’s face, but Keith couldn’t be mad because he was probably doing the same thing. Lance’s hand moved from Keith’s hair to his cheek. “I’m ready whenever you are.”
Those words. They reminded Keith of the Viewer. Older-Keith and Older-Lance had been looking out at the sky from earth. Lance had a toddler in his arms from where he’d just stood from the picnic table. Their other child was running around with Allura again.
Older-Lance had looked to Older-Keith and asked if he was happy and, with a raised eyebrow, Old-Keith had responded, “Eh, mostly.”
Of course, that had Older-Lance tripping over himself with almost comical worry. “What? Why aren’t you-?”
And Older-Keith had expected that. He took their little girl and put her down to go play with her brother and Allura. “I was just thinking.” Older-Keith’s lean hand slid up to rest on Older-Lance’s shoulder-blade, pulling him closer so that he could whisper in his husband’s ear. “I think I want another one.”
“Another one?” Older-Lance jerked his head to look Older-Keith in the face. He looked surprised, but his expression also gave away just how excited the notion made him. “You sure? I haven’t pressured you or-”
Older-Keith had rolled his eyes. (Where he was watching, so had younger-Keith. Lance was still Lance even though he was older and hotter and so fatherly and caring and, okay, Keith needed to stop that line of thought.) “I think I like the big-family thing. You’re never really alone.” His expression turned downward, even dark. “If we go out there and lose… If you… I don’t know if I could…” He growled a little, scrunching up his face in frustration and balling his hand in a fist.
An assuring hand wrapped around Older-Keith’s fist. Older-Lance didn’t make a joke; he simply looked at his husband with an understanding expression. “Zarkon is dead. Lotor is dead. Hagar is… gone? I dunno exactly what happened after we zapped her with that quintessence weapon, but she’s out of the picture for good.” Older-Lance seemed to know how to deal with his Keith; he knew what needed to be said, what didn’t, what to do.
That synchronicity was addicting. Just seeing it in the Viewer between their older counterparts made Keith crave it. Keith had a lot of trouble reading people and social situations, but Lance, even the present-Lance, was always an open book. It was like he purposely made it easy to read him.
Or maybe Keith was just in-tune with Lance’s specific expressions. Maybe that’s how this sort of thing was supposed to work.
After that, The Viewer had started the fade. The last thing that Keith had heard was Older-Lance’s reassurance, “You won’t ever be alone again.” It had rung through Keith’s entire body and made it so he couldn’t even look in Lance’s direction when he’d walked out of that sacred room. It was just too much.
In the present, Lance pulled completely away from their kiss and subsequent embrace, making sure that Keith would stand on his own without his support.
Keith almost yelped when Lance’s hand brushed over his ass as he let go of his thigh. Suddenly, his brain was completely focused on the present moment and where his ass burned from the brief contact.
Holding up his hands in mock surrender, Lance looked a little sheepish. “Sorry if I… I tend to move fast, and I really don’t want to mess this up.” He dropped his hands so that they hung limp at his side. “God knows I don’t want to spend the next however many years stuck in space with my ex.”
Crossing his arms over his chest, Keith was surprised at how easy all of this was. Maybe it was because he was overtired or maybe it was simply because it was with Lance. He and Lance somehow clicked better than most people, at least better than anyone else in Keith’s social history. He smirked. “Especially since everyone would be on my side.” He chuckled lightly when Lance made a show of looking shocked.
Airing on the side of the dramatic, Lance pressed a hand to his chest and gasped. “I can’t believe you just said that. I’m sure that the paladins of Voltron would never turn their back on me like that. They would at least be torn over who’s side to be one.” Lance deflated and turned serious again. “But, what if this does go wrong? How would we fight as Voltron?” His eyebrows furrowed and he pursed his lips, donning an expression midway between determination and a pout.
Older-Lance was everything that Keith needed and Keith couldn’t wait for that, but until then Lance had a lot of growing up and figuring out to do. Keith figured that he probably needed to do the same. He wasn’t the man that Lance saw in the Viewer, at least not yet, but he wanted to be. He really wanted to be.
Trying to be what Lance needed, Keith tuned all of his attention onto Lance. Using the same words as Lance had earlier, he offered a small smile. “I’m ready when you are.”
“Ready for what, exactly?”
“For us.”
